If you’re extremely light skinned or white skinned
and dating someone long term
your skin color almost undoubtedly helped
whether you wanted it to, or realized it did, or not.
It really does help. Even if it took me forever to get into a longterm…
Can I just note that I’ve heard a lot of white guys say they would never date a black girl, but might make an exception if she was light skinned or biracial. Many guys find Beyonce and Halle Barry attractive, who are both light skinned and/or biracial. Because white guys find black women so unattractive, we are usually limited to dating ONLY black men, as they’re the only ones to see as as attractive.
And even THAT rate is getting smaller because black MEN are not limited to only dating in their race. Women of other races who date black men, while not to downplay whatever feelings they may have for the person, will be seen as “progressive” and “not racist” for dating a black man. And black men will be seen as leveling up for having a white, Asian, light skinned black, or non-dark skinned PoC woman. This isn’t new; if you read Zora Neal Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God, the main character, Janey, makes other black men jealous of her husband because she’s light skinned. She’s seen as more desirable because she’s light skinned. And unlike other black women in the story, she’s able to leave her husband to pursue love, and move on to another, even younger man (which was a no-no for women back then), after her second husband dies. In other words, she goes through three marriages in her life, while black women are basically forced to be tied down to the one guy they got in young life. To assume that her being light skinned didn’t help her have those options is naive.
And especially since a lot of black men in academia tend to date outside of their race, this explains the phenomenon of black women tending to date and marry men below their academic level. In most relationships, people date in the same academic level. So people who just have a high school education tend to date people with high school education while people with doctorates tend to date other people with doctorates. When black women are the only race in which the women go to, and graduate from, college at a higher rate than their men, this already limits which men we would find desirable (again remember that MOST-not all but most-people wish to date in their same academic level). And when the black men on this level are less likely to date black women, this GREATLY limits who a black women might able to date. And since unlike our black men, women don’t have the options to just date outside their race, they can either do one of two things; get used to most likely not dating much in their life, or dating below their academic level to open up more options. Again, this is why black women are usually seen dating below their academic level or are seen as one of those “career-oriented” women who are too busy with their careers to date. Though that’s not the case, but people think of us that way and the blame is put on US for not finding guys when we are seen as so undesirable.
because this is some real shit right hurr